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Legislative Assembly for the ACT: 1997 Week 14 Hansard (11 December) . . Page.. 5038 ..

MR TEMPORARY DEPUTY SPEAKER (Mr Hird): Mr Moore, so long as it is within standing orders you will be permitted to do so.

MR MOORE: Thank you.

MR TEMPORARY DEPUTY SPEAKER: I just heard that Santa Claus has turned up with no toys for the children. I hope I do not have to remind you of standing orders, Mr Moore.

MR MOORE: I know my standing orders. The second reason is this: People outside this chamber might not be aware that each and every one of us has spent sleepless nights waiting for the phone call that never came - the phone call from Gary Humphries, the phone call with a job offer. Terry Connolly and Rosemary Follett might laugh. They got their phone call, their invitation to a job, but what about the rest of us? We have been waiting and waiting, and now it is almost too late. But wait, I have good news.

I have come across a leaked document from Gary Humphries's office - the secret list of Gary's impending appointments. My understanding is that the appointments would have been made this afternoon had he not been called away to Hobart. Remember, Rosemary Follett's appointment was made on the last sitting day of the year. This list reveals that, as usual, Gary has attempted to pick off Labor's better performers. This has, after all, been Gary's preferred method in the past.

My reading of the leaked document is that Andrew Whitecross has been tempted away to become the new manager of the ACT Cemeteries Trust. The new trust will be incredibly high tech, with new cremation and burial facilities all over Canberra, and will be able to cope with political as well as mortal remains.

The career of the new kid on the block, Simon Corbell, has been cut off even before he has been able to make his political mark with an offer of appointment to a new investigatory authority, along the lines of Queensland's CJC or the New South Wales ICAC. The body will specialise in pursuing issues which will be of great interest to both Ian Warden and Dear Madge of the Canberra Times, particularly issues to deal with the credulists and sceptics as well as witchcraft and wizardry, which Gary's sources have led him to believe are of special interest to Simon.

In a move that will no doubt deprive Labor of its lingering conscience, Bill Wood, thanks to Gary's contacts and manipulation, will be lured into resigning to become campaign manager for the upcoming election campaign of Ms Jacqui Rees, in which position he will be able to give her advice on both psychological tactics and planning matters.

To limit Labor's philosophical foundations, Roberta McRae is to become the manager of a new Territory-owned theatre company. Her talent for Shakespearian drama no doubt will serve her well during the opening performances of The Merchant of Venice, Julius Caesar, and The Taming of the Shrew.

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