Page 2882 - Week 08 - Wednesday, 14 August 2019
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their experience. I want to share that with the Assembly today because I think it speaks directly to Ms Lawder’s comments. David particularly is a fierce advocate for people with disability and has advocated on this issue for years. I will not read the whole background to the story. David and Jenni met when they were quite young. After a courtship, they married. They both have cerebral palsy, which restricts their movement, muscle control, and speech. They rely on carers to feed, dress, and shower them. David says:
Notwithstanding these challenges, we were doing remarkably well with support from ACT government-funded home care services. That was until September 1st, 2008 when Jenni over-balanced transferring from the bed to her wheelchair. She landed awkwardly and broke bones in her left foot, which weren’t properly diagnosed or treated for several months.
This fall had long-lasting consequences on Jenni’s health generally and on our sex lives. Her prolonged and mostly unsuccessful recovery resulted in Jen having further reduced mobility in and out of bed. It meant we had to take extreme care not to touch or bump her foot. We had been fully independent in bed but after the fall the effort involved became too much. We tried different toys and different positions without joy.
Two years after the fall we were at a point where we had to make a decision to either give up on enjoying sex or to investigate the possibility of allowing a third person into our bed.
We were way too young to stop having sex.
Sex is important in most long-term relationships because it increases the pair-bonding by releasing the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin. There is also scientific evidence to suggest that sex has a range of health benefits associated with our immunity, heart, blood pressure, reduced risk of prostate cancer, pain and stress relief.
In early 2011 we arranged for a sex worker, Joanne, to begin working with us. With each visit we had to remind ourselves that she wasn’t there to make ‘love’ to us. Rather, in the same way that our support staff ensure that we remain in good physical health—by showering, feeding, and dressing us—Joanne helps us to maintain good sexual health.
Also in 2011 we successfully approached the ACT government to extend the funding of our disability care support to cover these conjugal support services. In December 2015, the National Disability Insurance Scheme … agreed that, in our situation, a modest allowance for conjugal support service would be reasonable and necessary.
Jenni and I still enjoy doing a lot of activities together. For instance, we work out at the Spastic Centre’s (now the ‘Cerebral Palsy Alliance’) Canberra gym, challenge each other at online Yahtzee, visit our favourite local cafe for morning coffees, and cuddle up in front of our favourite television shows …
Doubtlessly, sex is critical to all marriages. Our love for one another and shared history means sex is important for our marriage too. And, just as with other activities, we just need the right support to make this part of our life happen.
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