Page 318 - Week 01 - Thursday, 9 December 2004
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I count Chris as a friend. I use this opportunity to wish him well. Whilst I know Chris as a friend, he is also a consummate journalist. He treats everyone in this place with fairness. That means that sometimes he does things that you do not particularly like. But he always does it with fairness, and you know that what goes around comes around. Chris is a consummate journalist. He has been involved with journalism in relation to the Legislative Assembly since it began, except for a brief time when he was a staffer here. I wish him and Gay every success in Melbourne.
But to the matter of the season: over the years it was a habit of my mentor, Gary Humphries, to allocate gifts notionally on this occasion, and I have taken up the mantle. Mr Quinlan tends to do it, but he is not here. Mr Speaker, I know that you are very good with do-it-yourself, so I think that you should be given a cordless drill for Christmas, and all the rest of your Christmas presents should come in flat packs. I think the Chief Minister needs a good biography of Sir Thomas More so that he can find out how the chief law officer should work.
I think the Leader of the Opposition, who has gone to his wife’s birthday—I know he is getting a new knee, but that is an early Christmas present—should get two bottles of whisky: a good one and bottle of 100 Pipers for when he chooses to adulterate it with coke or dry. Last year, it was suggested to Santa that Mr Quinlan get a frisbee. It has been reported to Santa that he has not even taken it out of the wrapping yet. This year Santa should give him a bit more enthusiasm.
I think that Bill Stefaniak should come to terms with his feminine side and get a macrame kit. I was going to suggest to Santa that Mr Corbell needed a new bike for his new-founded enthusiasm for bicycles paths; but, after today, I think he would be better off applying himself to a guide to the ACT leasehold system.
I wish that Santa should deliver to Katy Gallagher what I wish for myself; that is, one day in bed—breakfast in bed, lunch in bed, dinner in bed, a good book and a remote control. Mr Hargreaves seems to have taken advantage of the present that Santa brought him last year, which was The art of war. Seeing as he has been such a good reader, I think that this year it should be The complete angler, along with an ankle brace.
To Mrs Burke, a guide and pattern book for crocheting booties; and to Mr Pratt, a new immune system. Ms MacDonald probably should not get a present because of her religious convictions, but as a Hanukkah present we should give Ms MacDonald a new whip so that she can impose discipline.
To the new members, Mr Speaker: to Mr Gentleman, after Saturday’s performance, Jane’s guide to sailing; to Ms Porter, a volunteer to cook and clean for the holidays; to Dr Foskey, given her connection with the forest debate, a wollemi pine in a pot; to Mr Mulcahy, who lobbed the best grenade of the week when he divulged to the Assembly that he used to be a member of the Labor Party, Jane’s guide to modern armaments.
I really strained myself to think what we could give Mr Seselja, who has enjoyed himself so much this week. I thought perhaps it should be an icon of St Blaise, who, I understand, is the patron saint of Croatia. But on careful consideration I decided it should
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